shoot: reflective thoughts

the shuttler had some trouble falling asleep. she decided to reflect on her life and putting it down into words, with some persuasion from a friend of hers.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i'm the girl whom you took care of when i was just a little toddler.
i'm the girl who stood by the windows wondering when you would pick me up.
i'm the girl whom all of you doted upon since i was the eldest grandchild.
i'm the girl whom you sent for piano, swimming, abacus, chinese painting, chinese calligraphy and art classes all before i graduated from primary school.
i'm the girl who purposely poked you while you sick, just to make sure you were not vying for attention.

i'm the girl whom played police and thief and doctor-patient all the time with you. and you always let me be the police/doctor.
i'm the girl who you spooked you with all the make believe ghost stories late at night, while we were all snuggled up in our make-believe spaceships.
i'm the girl who would chat with you about almost everything whenever we couldn't get to sleep. our dreams, our goals, conjuring up our future families and promising that we would never turn our back on each other.
i'm the girl who gradually had lesser time to spend with you as she entered junior college and later tertiary education, wishing very much that we would return to those make-believe spaceship days.
i'm the girl who would stuff a ten dollar note into your wallet just so you could have enough money to buy that pair of earphones that you wanted badly.
i'm the girl who loves you dearly although she never said it directly.

i'm the girl who would stay up late into the night, trying to console you when you fell out of love.
i'm the girl whom you would call whenever you needed advice about something.
i'm the girl who watched you play soccer in the heavy rain, graduate with flying colours, get attached and stay blissfully happy.
i'm the girl who had a competitive streak hidden within her and loved the adrenaline rush that came along with competitions.
i'm the girl who liked for you six years. six years later, we remained the best of friends till today, which a good eight years has passed.
i'm the girl whom you first met in the toilets on the first day of school. we became fast friends that lasted a good fourteen years.
i'm the girl whom you hated at first sight, only to become my best friend.

i'm the girl whom you know would do her best for her friends, as long as you needed it.
i'm the girl whom you influenced to enjoy photography and the finer things in life.
i'm the girl whom you could trust to give her honest opinions whenever you required one.
i'm the girl who wanted a future with you together, only to have her heart broken with one sentence.
i'm the girl who falls asleeps in eight a.m. lectures, although she tries hard to stay awake.
i'm the girl who has found a wonderful career and not regretting the decision she made almost one and a half years ago.
i'm the girl who misses the good old times we had together, who hopes to return to those happy times one day.
i'm the girl who tried very hard to forget everything unhappy. until she realized that it was the unhappy memories that made her beautiful memories more worthwhile.
i'm the girl who loved you before, and am still loving you.

i'm the girl.